2014: new year, new beginning.

2014 started as an awesome year. It may have been a little stressful since now, because next week is finals week and because school started again and holidays are over, but I still had time for great days with friends and family and I'm still making some really good memories. I also started keeping a good memories jar where I put all the good things that happen to me in the everyday life. Some nights I wish I could hug my parents again, or see my friends and talk to them of all the things that worries me and some nights I cry and feel alone, but I am lucky because I have people that apparently care enough to listen to me and they make my worries go away and they are the reason why I am scared of going home and leaving them all here. I don't know when I'm gonna see them again. I don't know for how long I will have to live without having them by my side. I know it's gonna be extremely hard for me when I will go home, and even harder for the people that I will leave here. But whatever will happen I know that I won't give up on us. I won't give up on the friendships. I won't give up on the family that I found so far away from home. I won't forget that this is also my home.
I am also learning a lot more about myself. I am learning that I am a lot more determinated than what I thought, that I can do a lot of things by myself, that I can take a lot of decisions without the need of someone who would take them for me. I learned that I am able to fight for what I really want for myself and for my future. I am constantly worried about my future. I think about it every day. I still don't know where I'm gonna be in 10 years, not even in 2 years. But I know that whatever I will choose it will be the best choice for me, like the one that I took coming here. I may not be good in a lot of things like cooking, doing math, drawing, but I'm pretty sure at this point that I am able to take choices that in a way or another will lead me to the good thing. I believe in myself a lot more. I am confident, I have a lot of strong ideas on a lot of things that I've never even thought about before coming here. I have a lot of more experience on some things than a normal italian girl that is spending her year like a normal high school student in Italy.
I will never be grateful enough to the people that let all this happen. My parents. My family. My friends. My host family. Myself. The people that I met here and decided to let me be part of their lives. And every single day counts, because even when I don't realize it, something is constantly changing inside of me. It is not only my mind or my body. It is also my soul. What I consider soul, which is still part of my brain, is still part of myself, but it's the most mysterious and unconscious part of me. The one that I will probably never understand completely. That complicated and chaotic mass of thoughts and reactions and emotions and feelings that I can rarely phantom into words. That is the deepest and most important part of me, that sometimes I don't recognize in what I do, sometime it drives me crazy, sometimes I find annoying, sometimes it makes me cry and wonder how did I get here. But I'm always thankful for all the experiences that are contributing to slowly change that part of myself, letting me to stay the same too.
And I will never forget what this whole period of my life is giving me. Because "exchange is nothing like you expected it to be, and everything you wanted it to be." So let's make it all I needed it to be too. And let's enjoy the ride.