2014: new year, new beginning.

2014 started as an awesome year. It may have been a little stressful since now, because next week is finals week and because school started again and holidays are over, but I still had time for great days with friends and family and I'm still making some really good memories. I also started keeping a good memories jar where I put all the good things that happen to me in the everyday life. Some nights I wish I could hug my parents again, or see my friends and talk to them of all the things that worries me and some nights I cry and feel alone, but I am lucky because I have people that apparently care enough to listen to me and they make my worries go away and they are the reason why I am scared of going home and leaving them all here. I don't know when I'm gonna see them again. I don't know for how long I will have to live without having them by my side. I know it's gonna be extremely hard for me when I will go home, and even harder for the people that I will leave here. But whatever will happen I know that I won't give up on us. I won't give up on the friendships. I won't give up on the family that I found so far away from home. I won't forget that this is also my home.
I am also learning a lot more about myself. I am learning that I am a lot more determinated than what I thought, that I can do a lot of things by myself, that I can take a lot of decisions without the need of someone who would take them for me. I learned that I am able to fight for what I really want for myself and for my future. I am constantly worried about my future. I think about it every day. I still don't know where I'm gonna be in 10 years, not even in 2 years. But I know that whatever I will choose it will be the best choice for me, like the one that I took coming here. I may not be good in a lot of things like cooking, doing math, drawing, but I'm pretty sure at this point that I am able to take choices that in a way or another will lead me to the good thing. I believe in myself a lot more. I am confident, I have a lot of strong ideas on a lot of things that I've never even thought about before coming here. I have a lot of more experience on some things than a normal italian girl that is spending her year like a normal high school student in Italy.
I will never be grateful enough to the people that let all this happen. My parents. My family. My friends. My host family. Myself. The people that I met here and decided to let me be part of their lives. And every single day counts, because even when I don't realize it, something is constantly changing inside of me. It is not only my mind or my body. It is also my soul. What I consider soul, which is still part of my brain, is still part of myself, but it's the most mysterious and unconscious part of me. The one that I will probably never understand completely. That complicated and chaotic mass of thoughts and reactions and emotions and feelings that I can rarely phantom into words. That is the deepest and most important part of me, that sometimes I don't recognize in what I do, sometime it drives me crazy, sometimes I find annoying, sometimes it makes me cry and wonder how did I get here. But I'm always thankful for all the experiences that are contributing to slowly change that part of myself, letting me to stay the same too.
And I will never forget what this whole period of my life is giving me. Because "exchange is nothing like you expected it to be, and everything you wanted it to be." So let's make it all I needed it to be too. And let's enjoy the ride. 

This Christmas I gave you my heart.

There are so many things that I learned about the culture I live in and the people I live with, but the best thing that I learned since now is the importance of a family and friends that will always be by your side. During these holidays I had a lof of great moments, like Christmas morning when we opened all our presents and I finally felt like I had a place and people I belonged with, or New Year's Eve, when we had a good time together with Eddie, Katie and Lorenzo, and we just stayed at my house playing games all together and we watched the countdown of the ball on tv like I always wanted to do. I also had some hard moments, like it always is in your life, because without the sad moments you would never appreciate the good ones.
But even in the most depressing nights, like when I missed home really bad, or life seemed harder than how it is, or I just felt depressed for some of my reasons, I always had someone to talk to, someone that wanted to listen and someone who helped me to feel better. Those people are the most precious ones, those are my best friends and my family. Those are the people that I gained during this year and that I know for sure I will never lose, it doesn't matter if we're 2 miles away or if there's an entire ocean between us. I will always be thankful to those people for just being who they are, and standing by my side, even when they don't know they are helping, they are, just with their presence or a smile or a joke that makes me laugh for a moment. Just for the fact that they are noticing that something is wrong, that I'm thoughtful and not cheerful as usual, just by asking "Are you okay?" they make my day better, because it means that they care. That they notice. Those are the people that make this experience special and unique, and they are the best gift I've ever had. They fill my days with splendid memories and they make less bitter the sad ones. They make the difference.
I don't think I will ever find a way to thank these people enough for welcoming me with open arms in their life like I've always been part of it. Opening their home and making me part of the family and filling my heart with endless love. Or opening themselves with their deepest secrets and fears and dreams and aspirations, letting me have an impact on their lives.
I am so honored to be part of something so special and it makes me cry everytime I think about it because I never ever imagined when I left my home and the people I love most in the world, that I would have found more people that love me and that I love as much as those I left in Italy.
Because letting someone into your life is not something you do easily, sometimes you get hurt, sometimes people disappoint you, sometimes they don't feel for you the same emotions you feel for them, but sometimes you find those remarkable people that will make you a better person and will make your day brighter. And when you find those kind of people, you better keep them close, don't let them go.
And I'm proud to say that I found a lot of people like this and that they will always be part of me, no matter what. They changed me already and I hope I changed their lives too...sometimes it doesn't take much for that, just a smile or some kind word, a hug or a little bit of your time. And moments after moment, they become important and almost impossible to forget.
This is what Christmas brought to me this year, the greatest present I could have ever asked for. So if you are one of those people, and you probably know it if you are, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. And may every Christmas be as amazing as this one was for me.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! And God Bless America! :)