These few months are probably some of the more significant ones, and also the hardest part of the year. It's the time when you start missing home, but are also feeling completely comfortable in your new home, so you feel like divided between these two emotions. Some days you wish you see your family and friends again, some others you wish you could never leave where you are at the moment. It's the crucial period, when the attachment to your home is gonna fade away, until the last days when you will start thinking again about the fact of coming back and leaving everything and everyone here. There are a lot of different aspects in this experience that will make me grow and learn, but I still think that the hardest one will be when I will have to say goodbye for the second time, and this time I won't have any guarantee of when I will have the opportunity to see these people, that I love so much, again.
It already happened to me a couple of times to wake up in the middle of the night crying because I dreamt that I had to go home before the end of the 10 months, for a reason or another. And apparently the idea of going home right now scares me to death. Sometimes I also cry because I just want to hug my parents, and my friends, and feel them again for real, not only through a computer screen. But that's the point. I know it will happen in just 5 months. I am exactly halfway through my exchange year. This means I only have 5 months left with the people I met during the last 5 months here. The people that changed me. Those people that I love so much and that I know will be heartbreaking to leave without being sure of when I will be able to hug them again.
I am having fun, I made a lot of friends. I am trying not to think about that moment that is just 5 months away in the future, but more about the moment that is 5 months away in the past. The moment I stepped down that last plane, at the Idaho Falls airport. The moment I had no idea my life would have changed so much just by meeting some extraordinary people. The moment I was thinking about how I would have been a different person, after this experience, and I was still wondering how.
The moment I felt like I was running away from my fears, when instead I didn't realize I was tearing them down. I was running into them 100 mph, strong enough to destroy them and step on them.
That is what I try to ocncentrate on every morning when I wake up. Thinking that in 5 months I will be back to my old habits, my old life. I'm just trying to use the time here in the best way possible, living it a 100 %. Taking the good and the bad memories. Like in every good book that has ever been written, you have to cry a little bit, therwise it's not worth it.
