2014: new year, new beginning.

2014 started as an awesome year. It may have been a little stressful since now, because next week is finals week and because school started again and holidays are over, but I still had time for great days with friends and family and I'm still making some really good memories. I also started keeping a good memories jar where I put all the good things that happen to me in the everyday life. Some nights I wish I could hug my parents again, or see my friends and talk to them of all the things that worries me and some nights I cry and feel alone, but I am lucky because I have people that apparently care enough to listen to me and they make my worries go away and they are the reason why I am scared of going home and leaving them all here. I don't know when I'm gonna see them again. I don't know for how long I will have to live without having them by my side. I know it's gonna be extremely hard for me when I will go home, and even harder for the people that I will leave here. But whatever will happen I know that I won't give up on us. I won't give up on the friendships. I won't give up on the family that I found so far away from home. I won't forget that this is also my home.
I am also learning a lot more about myself. I am learning that I am a lot more determinated than what I thought, that I can do a lot of things by myself, that I can take a lot of decisions without the need of someone who would take them for me. I learned that I am able to fight for what I really want for myself and for my future. I am constantly worried about my future. I think about it every day. I still don't know where I'm gonna be in 10 years, not even in 2 years. But I know that whatever I will choose it will be the best choice for me, like the one that I took coming here. I may not be good in a lot of things like cooking, doing math, drawing, but I'm pretty sure at this point that I am able to take choices that in a way or another will lead me to the good thing. I believe in myself a lot more. I am confident, I have a lot of strong ideas on a lot of things that I've never even thought about before coming here. I have a lot of more experience on some things than a normal italian girl that is spending her year like a normal high school student in Italy.
I will never be grateful enough to the people that let all this happen. My parents. My family. My friends. My host family. Myself. The people that I met here and decided to let me be part of their lives. And every single day counts, because even when I don't realize it, something is constantly changing inside of me. It is not only my mind or my body. It is also my soul. What I consider soul, which is still part of my brain, is still part of myself, but it's the most mysterious and unconscious part of me. The one that I will probably never understand completely. That complicated and chaotic mass of thoughts and reactions and emotions and feelings that I can rarely phantom into words. That is the deepest and most important part of me, that sometimes I don't recognize in what I do, sometime it drives me crazy, sometimes I find annoying, sometimes it makes me cry and wonder how did I get here. But I'm always thankful for all the experiences that are contributing to slowly change that part of myself, letting me to stay the same too.
And I will never forget what this whole period of my life is giving me. Because "exchange is nothing like you expected it to be, and everything you wanted it to be." So let's make it all I needed it to be too. And let's enjoy the ride. 

This Christmas I gave you my heart.

There are so many things that I learned about the culture I live in and the people I live with, but the best thing that I learned since now is the importance of a family and friends that will always be by your side. During these holidays I had a lof of great moments, like Christmas morning when we opened all our presents and I finally felt like I had a place and people I belonged with, or New Year's Eve, when we had a good time together with Eddie, Katie and Lorenzo, and we just stayed at my house playing games all together and we watched the countdown of the ball on tv like I always wanted to do. I also had some hard moments, like it always is in your life, because without the sad moments you would never appreciate the good ones.
But even in the most depressing nights, like when I missed home really bad, or life seemed harder than how it is, or I just felt depressed for some of my reasons, I always had someone to talk to, someone that wanted to listen and someone who helped me to feel better. Those people are the most precious ones, those are my best friends and my family. Those are the people that I gained during this year and that I know for sure I will never lose, it doesn't matter if we're 2 miles away or if there's an entire ocean between us. I will always be thankful to those people for just being who they are, and standing by my side, even when they don't know they are helping, they are, just with their presence or a smile or a joke that makes me laugh for a moment. Just for the fact that they are noticing that something is wrong, that I'm thoughtful and not cheerful as usual, just by asking "Are you okay?" they make my day better, because it means that they care. That they notice. Those are the people that make this experience special and unique, and they are the best gift I've ever had. They fill my days with splendid memories and they make less bitter the sad ones. They make the difference.
I don't think I will ever find a way to thank these people enough for welcoming me with open arms in their life like I've always been part of it. Opening their home and making me part of the family and filling my heart with endless love. Or opening themselves with their deepest secrets and fears and dreams and aspirations, letting me have an impact on their lives.
I am so honored to be part of something so special and it makes me cry everytime I think about it because I never ever imagined when I left my home and the people I love most in the world, that I would have found more people that love me and that I love as much as those I left in Italy.
Because letting someone into your life is not something you do easily, sometimes you get hurt, sometimes people disappoint you, sometimes they don't feel for you the same emotions you feel for them, but sometimes you find those remarkable people that will make you a better person and will make your day brighter. And when you find those kind of people, you better keep them close, don't let them go.
And I'm proud to say that I found a lot of people like this and that they will always be part of me, no matter what. They changed me already and I hope I changed their lives too...sometimes it doesn't take much for that, just a smile or some kind word, a hug or a little bit of your time. And moments after moment, they become important and almost impossible to forget.
This is what Christmas brought to me this year, the greatest present I could have ever asked for. So if you are one of those people, and you probably know it if you are, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. And may every Christmas be as amazing as this one was for me.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone! And God Bless America! :)
 

"Like a roller coaster, kind of rush."

This season is really full of homesickness. Probably because it's almost Christmas. Probably because the end of the year is near. Probably because I'm sending to Italy all my presents for my family and friends. Probably because I got used to Idaho and life in the U.S.
But this doesn't mean that I'm enjoying less my time here. It's like a roller coaster: there are extremely good days when you just feel like you could beat the world, and then there are terrible days when you feel depressed and you miss home more than anything and you just want to close yourself in the bathroom and cry listening to sad music. But this is what makes it interesting, and scary, and fun, and full of adrenaline and it makes you feel alive, like you've never been.
I'm seriously living my life at 100 mph, and this is the best feeling ever. Even in the everyday routine every single thing that I do, I do it thinking that I'm thousands of miles from home, with people that I didn't even know exsisted less than 5 months ago. Even when I unload the dishwasher, or do my homework, or wake up in the morning at 7.15, or step out of the door with -20 degrees Celsius and snow on the ground and a wind that blows the cold into your bones and limbs and into your soul; even when I do all those things I never stop thinking about that moment when I left my group of italian exchange students at the airport to take my third flight, to Denver and I was walking into the crowd of people terrified that I would have lost my flight, all by myself like I've never been before in my life. I never stop thinking about how I felt when the airplane was landing in Idaho Falls and I saw all the lights of the city at night and I started crying, partially because I was exhausted and I haven't slept for more than 24 hours, and partially because it was the most emotionally intense moment I've ever experienced.
I will never stop remembering those moments, when the water will get high and life'll get hard and I will feel alone and useless and helpless...I will think about running through the crowd in Chicago's airport, I will think about the tears I shedded looking at the Idaho Falls city light at night for the first time, I will think about my first A, the first time I understood completely what someone told me in another language, the first time I read a poem of one of my favourites poets in English and got in all without the need of a dictionary, the first choir performance in front of the whole school, the first time I saw an italian movie with american people and realized how much I missed it, the first time I saw my host family's faces, the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas tree, the first night we jumped on the trampoline and sang at the top of our lungs remembering where we came from and how far we got. And these are only some of the memories that I will remember, and I can't wait for all the future ones to come.
Somewhere I read that "life is a journey, not a guided tour". Because life doesn't give you guarantees, it throws you out there and you just have to hope that things go how you try to make them go...and sometimes you get slapped in the face. The only thing that is sure in this life is that everybody dies, no matter what you believe. And I believe that, as everyone says now, 'you only live once'. You only have one chance to get it right, to do something, to make a difference, to be able to look back when you're in your oldest days and have no regrets, no "I could have done" or "I should have said". And this is what pushes me to work harder and dream bigger. The idea that there is no second try.
That's why I am here, to live the most adventurous journey, with all its problems and challenges and expectations and satisfactions. Because life is only one and it's too fast to spend it sitting on a tour bus waiting for things to happen. Because you can really live 'like there's no tomorrow', but only if you plan to have one. And I'm building my tomorrow with my own hands. One brick at a time.

What's out of the box.

I think that the thing that has a bigger impact on me during this exchange year is the fact that you're not only making friends in a different country that will probably stick with you for your whole life, no matter how distant you are...but you're making friends that are from all around the world. The other day I went to Chick-full-a with a bunch of friends and at some point I realized that we were 8 people sitting at the table: me, Katie (the only american), an exchange srudent from Germany, one from Denmark, two from Thailand and two from Sweden. It was amazing how there were 6 different countries sitting at that table. People who were born and lived in different parts of the world were all together that day, eating the same thing, speaking the same language to understand each other, sharing the things that makes us different. Sharing our cultures, our languages, our holidays, our memories and talking about our home countries. This is what I'm learning right now. That it doesn't matter what country you're from or what language you speak. We all experience things in the same way (even if we all react differently), we all feel the same emotions, we all define friendship as the same bond.
It's something that makes you bigger, and fuller, when you realize how varied the world is and how rare and special it is to have the opportunity to share and exchange with other people the little things that make you, you.
When I realized this, while I was sitting there eating my chicken sandwich with three different continents, it almost made me cry. Because I also realized that I will probably remember that single moment for the rest of my life, and that just sitting there, talking with those people had such a big impact on me. Those are the things that make you learn. Those are the things that make you grow and make you more conscious of how big the world is. It also makes you feel small..but not unsignificant. You realize that you are extremely important. Because you're changing the lives of those people, just as much as they are changing yours. And that is what I will always be grateful for, thanks to this experience: to know for sure that in some way you're making the difference in someone else's life. Someone that you would have never met if it wasn't for your insanely brave idea to "leave the safe harbor, and catch the trade winds in your sails" out, to the open ocean. To those insecurities and fears which you know that after all, they won't do anything if not make you stronger and braver.
And even if it's hard sometimes, even if when I am alone at night and I start thinking about home and I feel a little empty, wishing that my friends and family where here with me (expecially in those special moments that I've been waiting for years and I never imagined that I would have seen that special movie or read that special book without the friends that I spent my life with); I have to remember what brought me here. 8715.450 kilometers from home.
Curiosity. It pushes you to the point where you are ready to leave everything you've always had to get something that is not guaranteed. Break the boundaries and step out of the comfort zone. Walk into the unknown. Out of the box. Leave your home to find another.
And that is the point. We call home the place where we feel comfortable. Where we have friends and a family. Where we feel safe. Where our heart is. So home, after all, is not a place on a map. Home is the people that make you feel like it. And right now, Idaho is home for me just as much as Italy is.
I haven't forgotten where I came from, and I can't wait to know where I'm gonna go. But now I perfectly know where I am. I'm living every day knowing that I won't have any chance to get it back, once that it is passed. Life is made of finite moments, and the fact that every single one of them just hits you and then it's gone forever sometimes makes me sad and scared. The only things that remain are the memories that will keep alive those moments. So let's do our best to make every second unforgettable. Let's change lives. Let's explore, let's dream, let's discover.

"I'm gonna make this place your home."

It has been a lot since I haven't posted anything in the blog, so I'm gonna talk about the last two weeks, because I had so much fun and I didn't have time to write.
Last week on Friday we had our last performance with the Colorguard and it was kind of sad because I wish we could perform more, since that we're getting pretty good at it (even if I dropped the flag at my first toss, but that didn't distract me, I immidiately took it again and started the exercise pretending nothing happened). Then right after the game I came home because we were having an Halloween Party at our house at it was just the best thing ever. All my friends were here and we did some crazy stuff (just gonna mention that at some point I was locked in the closet with Eddie and Katie and it was pretty creepy...) and then they moved things around and had fun like crazy people do and we acted like everybody was drunk but of course nobody drank so it was so funny, I guess it's just american people, they are out of their mind, but in the best way. We jumped on the trampoline singing at the top of our lungs and then we layed there watching at the stars and having deep conversations about our exchange year and our secrets and fears and hopes and dreams and it was seriously one of those nights that I will remember forever.

Then last Saturday we had the Sadie Hawkins dance and it was so awesome that I can't even describe it. We had the long week-end because it was teacher day on Friday so I had time to go out and look fot t-shirts with Sabrina and Devan and we ate at IHOP with Eddie and Katie and it was so good that it should be illegal. Unfortunately Sabrina found out on Saturday morning that she had kidney stones, so now she's fine, but she has to rest, so she didn't come to the dance. And for that reason I spent the entire day looking for a girl for Justin and in the end we found it, so he wouldn't have been alone and everything went right. Me and Ryan were wearing a Red Sox t-shirt and of course red socks. We danced all night and had the time of our lives and they also played two Taylor Swift songs and I was fangirling so hard that I almost feel guilty. (forgot to mention that on Wednesday there were the CMA and it was so amazing to watch them with Victor and Helena on the couch on the big screen in HD...)

Sometimes there are moments when I feel like I really miss my friends and family but I'm happy because I'm so lucky that I have amazing friends here and an amazing host family that makes me feel like home. I'm so thankful for what I have every day, and right now I'm just trying to enjoy every single moment and to see the good even in the hard moments. I'm trying to remeber that every day is a challenge and I'm always learning new things and growing and changing in so many ways that I can't even describe it. And at the end of the day, I realize that no matter what, I will always have a second family and a lot of friends on the other side of the world that I will come back to see. And I will always have a second home, and Idaho in my heart. Because "home is where your heart is".
I will forever be proud of myself for my choice to live this scary adventure that will make me fearless and more confident and aware of what another piece of the world looks like. And I'm realizing all these things only after 2 months, so I can't wait for what is to come.
Because I learned that to grow you have to step out of the comfort zone, break the boundaries and destroy the walls.
"Explore. Dream. Discover."

just another week.

This week wasn't as exciting as last week. It was just a normal week, school, home, homework, tv, family...
I went to a sleepover on Friday with Pauline, an exchange student from Germany and two other exchange students from Thailand. It was so much fun, we watched an horror movie, The Ring, then we watched tangled and then we fell asleep watching Shrek and eating junk food. It was cool and Pauline's host family has a really beautiful home with some really cool Halloween decorations and they have a big dog that's so cute. Then yesterday Ryan answered my Sadies Hawkins Dance invitation, we're gonna have so much fun all together again. He left a pumpkin on my door step with a big YES carved in it and it was so cute. He, Justin, Katie and Devan were hiding in the backyard and I didn't see them and they almost scared me when I took the pumpkin! They we invited them in and we had ice cream and talked a bit and then it was late so they went home.
Next weekend we'll probably go to a trip to Boise, we're gonna have a lot of fun.
I have to go now because I'm really tired and these days I always have a lot of homework and school stuff and I need to sleep, it's 23.19 and I should go.
I can't wait for what's to come!!

Homecoming !!!

This week was the most crazy week ever. It was homecoming week, so I was really busy. on Wednesday there was the Powder Puff game and we had so much fun even if we lost, but it's normal, usually Seniors win... 

 

 Then on Friday there was the homecoming parade and I performed with the colorguard and we were so good and I'm happy that now at least people know that we exist. We also performed at the home coming game with the band and the two dance teams and it was fun, even if it was so cold that I couldn't feel my hand.
And of course on Saturday there was the homecoming and it was so freaking fun!
I slept at Sabrina's house Friday night so when we woke up I went home and had an hour of relax before the date. For the date day we went roller skating all together and it was seriously the collest thing ever, then everyone went home th get ready for the dance, so I had my hair and make-up done and I wore my beautiful dress and we went to Ryan and Justin's house to take photos all together and everyone was so pretty and all the girls were stunning in their dresses and I was happy because my corsage and Devan's boutonniere were made with the same flowers and we didn't even take them in the same shop! Then we went to dinner at Olive Garden, an italian restaurant that actually wasn't that bad and it was fun to eat all together. Before the dance we decided to go out for a walk around the temple and we also went in to the visitors center and they gave me a copy of The Book Of Mormon in Italian for free and we took pictures in front of the temple. It was really interesting and the temple is really beautiful at night!!
At 8.30 we went to the dance and we had the time of our lives dancing and doing silly moves and meeting everybody from the school and they were all so freaking beautiful in their dresses and suits and I danced until my feet started hurting and it was the best party ever!
My feet still hurt, now I have to do my homework.
Let's hope for some rest and some time with the family next week.