"Like a roller coaster, kind of rush."

This season is really full of homesickness. Probably because it's almost Christmas. Probably because the end of the year is near. Probably because I'm sending to Italy all my presents for my family and friends. Probably because I got used to Idaho and life in the U.S.
But this doesn't mean that I'm enjoying less my time here. It's like a roller coaster: there are extremely good days when you just feel like you could beat the world, and then there are terrible days when you feel depressed and you miss home more than anything and you just want to close yourself in the bathroom and cry listening to sad music. But this is what makes it interesting, and scary, and fun, and full of adrenaline and it makes you feel alive, like you've never been.
I'm seriously living my life at 100 mph, and this is the best feeling ever. Even in the everyday routine every single thing that I do, I do it thinking that I'm thousands of miles from home, with people that I didn't even know exsisted less than 5 months ago. Even when I unload the dishwasher, or do my homework, or wake up in the morning at 7.15, or step out of the door with -20 degrees Celsius and snow on the ground and a wind that blows the cold into your bones and limbs and into your soul; even when I do all those things I never stop thinking about that moment when I left my group of italian exchange students at the airport to take my third flight, to Denver and I was walking into the crowd of people terrified that I would have lost my flight, all by myself like I've never been before in my life. I never stop thinking about how I felt when the airplane was landing in Idaho Falls and I saw all the lights of the city at night and I started crying, partially because I was exhausted and I haven't slept for more than 24 hours, and partially because it was the most emotionally intense moment I've ever experienced.
I will never stop remembering those moments, when the water will get high and life'll get hard and I will feel alone and useless and helpless...I will think about running through the crowd in Chicago's airport, I will think about the tears I shedded looking at the Idaho Falls city light at night for the first time, I will think about my first A, the first time I understood completely what someone told me in another language, the first time I read a poem of one of my favourites poets in English and got in all without the need of a dictionary, the first choir performance in front of the whole school, the first time I saw an italian movie with american people and realized how much I missed it, the first time I saw my host family's faces, the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas tree, the first night we jumped on the trampoline and sang at the top of our lungs remembering where we came from and how far we got. And these are only some of the memories that I will remember, and I can't wait for all the future ones to come.
Somewhere I read that "life is a journey, not a guided tour". Because life doesn't give you guarantees, it throws you out there and you just have to hope that things go how you try to make them go...and sometimes you get slapped in the face. The only thing that is sure in this life is that everybody dies, no matter what you believe. And I believe that, as everyone says now, 'you only live once'. You only have one chance to get it right, to do something, to make a difference, to be able to look back when you're in your oldest days and have no regrets, no "I could have done" or "I should have said". And this is what pushes me to work harder and dream bigger. The idea that there is no second try.
That's why I am here, to live the most adventurous journey, with all its problems and challenges and expectations and satisfactions. Because life is only one and it's too fast to spend it sitting on a tour bus waiting for things to happen. Because you can really live 'like there's no tomorrow', but only if you plan to have one. And I'm building my tomorrow with my own hands. One brick at a time.

What's out of the box.

I think that the thing that has a bigger impact on me during this exchange year is the fact that you're not only making friends in a different country that will probably stick with you for your whole life, no matter how distant you are...but you're making friends that are from all around the world. The other day I went to Chick-full-a with a bunch of friends and at some point I realized that we were 8 people sitting at the table: me, Katie (the only american), an exchange srudent from Germany, one from Denmark, two from Thailand and two from Sweden. It was amazing how there were 6 different countries sitting at that table. People who were born and lived in different parts of the world were all together that day, eating the same thing, speaking the same language to understand each other, sharing the things that makes us different. Sharing our cultures, our languages, our holidays, our memories and talking about our home countries. This is what I'm learning right now. That it doesn't matter what country you're from or what language you speak. We all experience things in the same way (even if we all react differently), we all feel the same emotions, we all define friendship as the same bond.
It's something that makes you bigger, and fuller, when you realize how varied the world is and how rare and special it is to have the opportunity to share and exchange with other people the little things that make you, you.
When I realized this, while I was sitting there eating my chicken sandwich with three different continents, it almost made me cry. Because I also realized that I will probably remember that single moment for the rest of my life, and that just sitting there, talking with those people had such a big impact on me. Those are the things that make you learn. Those are the things that make you grow and make you more conscious of how big the world is. It also makes you feel small..but not unsignificant. You realize that you are extremely important. Because you're changing the lives of those people, just as much as they are changing yours. And that is what I will always be grateful for, thanks to this experience: to know for sure that in some way you're making the difference in someone else's life. Someone that you would have never met if it wasn't for your insanely brave idea to "leave the safe harbor, and catch the trade winds in your sails" out, to the open ocean. To those insecurities and fears which you know that after all, they won't do anything if not make you stronger and braver.
And even if it's hard sometimes, even if when I am alone at night and I start thinking about home and I feel a little empty, wishing that my friends and family where here with me (expecially in those special moments that I've been waiting for years and I never imagined that I would have seen that special movie or read that special book without the friends that I spent my life with); I have to remember what brought me here. 8715.450 kilometers from home.
Curiosity. It pushes you to the point where you are ready to leave everything you've always had to get something that is not guaranteed. Break the boundaries and step out of the comfort zone. Walk into the unknown. Out of the box. Leave your home to find another.
And that is the point. We call home the place where we feel comfortable. Where we have friends and a family. Where we feel safe. Where our heart is. So home, after all, is not a place on a map. Home is the people that make you feel like it. And right now, Idaho is home for me just as much as Italy is.
I haven't forgotten where I came from, and I can't wait to know where I'm gonna go. But now I perfectly know where I am. I'm living every day knowing that I won't have any chance to get it back, once that it is passed. Life is made of finite moments, and the fact that every single one of them just hits you and then it's gone forever sometimes makes me sad and scared. The only things that remain are the memories that will keep alive those moments. So let's do our best to make every second unforgettable. Let's change lives. Let's explore, let's dream, let's discover.

"I'm gonna make this place your home."

It has been a lot since I haven't posted anything in the blog, so I'm gonna talk about the last two weeks, because I had so much fun and I didn't have time to write.
Last week on Friday we had our last performance with the Colorguard and it was kind of sad because I wish we could perform more, since that we're getting pretty good at it (even if I dropped the flag at my first toss, but that didn't distract me, I immidiately took it again and started the exercise pretending nothing happened). Then right after the game I came home because we were having an Halloween Party at our house at it was just the best thing ever. All my friends were here and we did some crazy stuff (just gonna mention that at some point I was locked in the closet with Eddie and Katie and it was pretty creepy...) and then they moved things around and had fun like crazy people do and we acted like everybody was drunk but of course nobody drank so it was so funny, I guess it's just american people, they are out of their mind, but in the best way. We jumped on the trampoline singing at the top of our lungs and then we layed there watching at the stars and having deep conversations about our exchange year and our secrets and fears and hopes and dreams and it was seriously one of those nights that I will remember forever.

Then last Saturday we had the Sadie Hawkins dance and it was so awesome that I can't even describe it. We had the long week-end because it was teacher day on Friday so I had time to go out and look fot t-shirts with Sabrina and Devan and we ate at IHOP with Eddie and Katie and it was so good that it should be illegal. Unfortunately Sabrina found out on Saturday morning that she had kidney stones, so now she's fine, but she has to rest, so she didn't come to the dance. And for that reason I spent the entire day looking for a girl for Justin and in the end we found it, so he wouldn't have been alone and everything went right. Me and Ryan were wearing a Red Sox t-shirt and of course red socks. We danced all night and had the time of our lives and they also played two Taylor Swift songs and I was fangirling so hard that I almost feel guilty. (forgot to mention that on Wednesday there were the CMA and it was so amazing to watch them with Victor and Helena on the couch on the big screen in HD...)

Sometimes there are moments when I feel like I really miss my friends and family but I'm happy because I'm so lucky that I have amazing friends here and an amazing host family that makes me feel like home. I'm so thankful for what I have every day, and right now I'm just trying to enjoy every single moment and to see the good even in the hard moments. I'm trying to remeber that every day is a challenge and I'm always learning new things and growing and changing in so many ways that I can't even describe it. And at the end of the day, I realize that no matter what, I will always have a second family and a lot of friends on the other side of the world that I will come back to see. And I will always have a second home, and Idaho in my heart. Because "home is where your heart is".
I will forever be proud of myself for my choice to live this scary adventure that will make me fearless and more confident and aware of what another piece of the world looks like. And I'm realizing all these things only after 2 months, so I can't wait for what is to come.
Because I learned that to grow you have to step out of the comfort zone, break the boundaries and destroy the walls.
"Explore. Dream. Discover."

just another week.

This week wasn't as exciting as last week. It was just a normal week, school, home, homework, tv, family...
I went to a sleepover on Friday with Pauline, an exchange student from Germany and two other exchange students from Thailand. It was so much fun, we watched an horror movie, The Ring, then we watched tangled and then we fell asleep watching Shrek and eating junk food. It was cool and Pauline's host family has a really beautiful home with some really cool Halloween decorations and they have a big dog that's so cute. Then yesterday Ryan answered my Sadies Hawkins Dance invitation, we're gonna have so much fun all together again. He left a pumpkin on my door step with a big YES carved in it and it was so cute. He, Justin, Katie and Devan were hiding in the backyard and I didn't see them and they almost scared me when I took the pumpkin! They we invited them in and we had ice cream and talked a bit and then it was late so they went home.
Next weekend we'll probably go to a trip to Boise, we're gonna have a lot of fun.
I have to go now because I'm really tired and these days I always have a lot of homework and school stuff and I need to sleep, it's 23.19 and I should go.
I can't wait for what's to come!!

Homecoming !!!

This week was the most crazy week ever. It was homecoming week, so I was really busy. on Wednesday there was the Powder Puff game and we had so much fun even if we lost, but it's normal, usually Seniors win... 

 

 Then on Friday there was the homecoming parade and I performed with the colorguard and we were so good and I'm happy that now at least people know that we exist. We also performed at the home coming game with the band and the two dance teams and it was fun, even if it was so cold that I couldn't feel my hand.
And of course on Saturday there was the homecoming and it was so freaking fun!
I slept at Sabrina's house Friday night so when we woke up I went home and had an hour of relax before the date. For the date day we went roller skating all together and it was seriously the collest thing ever, then everyone went home th get ready for the dance, so I had my hair and make-up done and I wore my beautiful dress and we went to Ryan and Justin's house to take photos all together and everyone was so pretty and all the girls were stunning in their dresses and I was happy because my corsage and Devan's boutonniere were made with the same flowers and we didn't even take them in the same shop! Then we went to dinner at Olive Garden, an italian restaurant that actually wasn't that bad and it was fun to eat all together. Before the dance we decided to go out for a walk around the temple and we also went in to the visitors center and they gave me a copy of The Book Of Mormon in Italian for free and we took pictures in front of the temple. It was really interesting and the temple is really beautiful at night!!
At 8.30 we went to the dance and we had the time of our lives dancing and doing silly moves and meeting everybody from the school and they were all so freaking beautiful in their dresses and suits and I danced until my feet started hurting and it was the best party ever!
My feet still hurt, now I have to do my homework.
Let's hope for some rest and some time with the family next week.

Waiting for Homecoming week!

This week we had a lot of fun because we only went to school for 3 days, so we had Thrusday and Friday off. We went to the movie theatre two times, we invited Eddie and his family over, we ate a lot of junk food, me and Victor played some baseball in the yard, I practised tossing with my flag for Colorguard and yesterday night we went with Eddie and some friends of his to the Haunted House. Actually we went to two different Haunted Houses, the first one was a Haunted Theatre and it was really creepy and I was so scared when the guy with the chainsaw started chasing us, the second one was a Haunted Mill and it was even better, there were a lot of jumpscares, the scene was so realistic and there was also Slenderman who started following me hahahah, I had so much fun and now I can't wait for Halloween because I love scary things.
Next week is Homecoming week and I have the Powder Puff game, the Parade where I will performe with the Cologuard, the Sleepover with the girls on Friday night after the Football game and the Homecoming on Saturday. I'm going to the Homecoming with Devan, one of my friends of the group that I lunch with and it will be so much fun because we're all going together and we're gonna have the time of our lives. I also bought a dress, I really like it, it's tourquoise open and short on the front (to the knee) and long on the back and it's sleeveless. I like it so much, because it's my favourite color and it wasn't that expensive like a lot of other girls dresses.
Now I have to finish my homework so, I will write again soon!

I fell in love with Idaho

8.28.13 - 9.28.13
Un mese è passato. Ho realizzato un sacco di cose in questi 30 giorni e non vedo l'ora di scoprire quante altre cose imparerò negli 8 mesi che verranno, quante avventure ancora mi aspettano e quante persone avrò l'onore di conoscere.

Quando mi hanno comunicato che sarei capitata in Idaho il primo pensiero che si è formato nella mia mente è stato: "un attimo...siamo sicuri sia uno stato americano?"
Sapevo già che l'America non fosse solo Cheerleaders, fast food, armadietti a scuola e partite di Baseball; ma non avrei mai immaginato quanto l'America potesse essere varia e completamente diversa da qualsiasi altro posto al mondo. Ho imparato cosa significa provare orgoglio per la propria nazione, perchè gli americani ne hanno davvero molto, e questo mi ha fatto pensare che per certe cose anche io sono orgogliosa dell'Italia. Non certo per la politica, le persone, il calcio o la mafia...ma ci sono così tante cose dell'italia di cui dobbiamo essere fieri e non ce ne rendiamo conto finchè non ne sentiamo la mancanza.

Ogni volta che mi chiedono se mi trovo bene qui e se mi piace stare in Idaho non so mai cosa rispondere perchè non c'è un modo semplice per dirlo. Non posso descrivere l'Idaho senza nominare i sorrisi gentili della gente, il vento forte che ti porta via nelle giornate migliori, il suono che fa un fucile, gli instancabili tramonti ogni sera diversi ma sempre da togliere il fiato, il sapore del burro d'arachidi e gelatina e l'odore di aria pulita subito dopo un temporale.
Idaho sono gli infiniti spazi aperti, le giornate passate in giardino e le serate fuori al freddo davanti al fuoco mentre ci si perde a guardare le luci delle stelle. Idaho è la fede negli altri e in tutto quello che ti rende migliore, la gente che ti parla come se ti conoscesse da una vita, la musica country, il senso di appartenenza anche se sei lontano da casa, e "tutti gli altri fatali frammenti" che riesci a cogliere solo quando realizzi che fanno parte di un sogno più grande.

Viaggiare richiede una certa quantità di coraggio, perchè la nostalgia è il bagaglio del viaggiatore, ma viaggiare ti rende una persona migliore perchè non sai cos'è il mondo se non l'hai visto con i tuoi occhi. Viaggiare ti fa crescere in così tanti modi che non riesci nemmeno ad immaginare e spesso non te ne rendi conto. Ma d'altronde, si viaggia per tornare a casa cambiati.

                                                                           ~~~

8.28.13 - 9.28.13
The first month is gone. I realized so many things in these 30 days and I can't wait to find out how many things I will learn in the next 8 months, what adventures I will undertake, who I'll have the pleasure to meet.

When I've been told that I was going to Idaho the first thought that came to my mind was: "wait...are we sure Idaho is a state?"
I already knew that America is not only Cheerleaders, fast food, lockers at school and Baseball games; but I never imagined how America can be varying and completely different from any other place in the world. I learned what it means to be proud of your own country, because american people have a lot of pride, and this made me think that for some reasons I'm proud about Italy too. Of course I'm not proud about Italian politics, people, mob or soccer...but there are a lot of things about Italy that we should be proud of, and we don't realize that until those things are missing.

Everytime that people ask me if I like being here I always don't know what I should answer because there's not an easy way to explain it.
I can't describe Idaho without talking about the kind smiles that people give you, the strong wind that almost drags you and carries you away in the best days, the sound of a rifle, the tireless sunsets that every night are different but they always take your breath away, the taste of peanut butter and jelly, and the smell of fresh air right after a thunderstorm.
Idaho are the neverending open spaces, the afternoons spent in the yard, and the nights out in the cold in front of the camp fire when you lose yourself watching the starlight. Idaho is faith in other people and in everything that makes you better, people who talk to you like they've known you for a lifetime, country music, the belonging feeling even if you're far from home, and "all the other fatal fragments" that you can get only when you realize they're part of a bigger dream.

You need to be brave to travel, because homesickness is the traveller knowledge, but travelling you become a better person, because you don't know how the world looks like if you haven't seen it with your own eyes. When you travel you grow up in so many ways that you can't imagine and most of the time you don't realize it. But after all, you travel to come home changed.